i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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