YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
