hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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