we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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