yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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