i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
