Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
