I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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