I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
