A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What changed your mind?
Being sober
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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