Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
