haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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