Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
