i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
