I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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