The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
