just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
