I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Couch. On fire.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
