Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize