I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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