can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
