I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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