That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
