i wish my penis had a tongue
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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