i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
