my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize