Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wear drunk well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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