Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
