You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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