I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
