I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
