Your face is a jimmy john
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
