The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize