You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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