I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
