Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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