Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize