I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
