hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
