idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
