how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize