There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
