All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
