I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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