I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
