My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
