never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
