So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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