I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
