Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize