we're blogging at a bar
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
