well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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