I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
