I hate all girls vehemently.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Randomize
