if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
