Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
its liver damage thursday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
