im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
