when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
