just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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