i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
