All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
