can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
