When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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