I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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