i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
