You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize