I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You have to summon your inner elephant
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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