I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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