Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
