Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
