i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
