Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
