Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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