Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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