Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
