Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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