fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
