btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
