She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
