She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
