I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
