someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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