You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
