i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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