I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
