either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
