forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Small penises have feelings too.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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