I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
