what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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