well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
