The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize