and my herpes radar will keep us safe
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
