i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
