hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize