He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
