You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
