i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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