So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
