I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
